How To Be Real With Yourself

I’ve got to say… being real with yourself 100% of the time is not as easy as it seems. Have you engaged in any of the following recently?

• purposefully let things slide repeatedly
• purposefully don’t acknowledge a situation
• purposefully don’t want put effort towards potential stressors 

It happens to us all. Our bodies are constantly unconsciously looking for ways to limit stress – whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or otherwise. 

A beautiful example is –> *sigh* “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it….” 

 

To fully understand what it takes to be real with yourself, you must do some self-reflecting. By the way, in case you thought otherwise, self-reflection is never a bad idea. If you’re unwilling to do it but have the audacity to demean and criticize other people (whether outwardly or silently), perhaps your priorities aren’t in the right place. Just being real! …that IS the topic here after all!

Let’s dive right in and gain some insight!

1. Externally Wrong

If you rely on external circumstances for sustained happiness, you must understand that your happiness is finite and fleeting. Why? Because your sense of happiness is first rooted internally, never the other way around. Relying on outside sources for your inner happiness is not a reliable plan and will have you searching everywhere except in your own mind. An incredibly dangerous way to live is by placing your happiness onto an object, a location, a person. You must hold the power, but instead you give it away like it’s Halloween candy.

2. Driver Of Decision

Understand that you will make decisions in life that other people don’t agree with. The decisions that will ultimately improve your quality of life are some of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. Everyone and their mother will have an opinion – but regardless of whether it’s a supportive or negative opinion, it’s your decision. Become comfortable knowing you’re in the driver’s seat of your life – then, act accordingly with your decisions.

3. Balance The Weight

If you continually focus on what you don’t like, don’t have, and/or don’t believe… your mind is constantly in a lacking mode. Ever hear of the negativity bias? Humans are more likely to remember and give weight to negative experiences rather than positive ones. (Real stuff, look it up). Being aware of this fact and by focusing on what you do like/have/believe is a guarantee to improve the quality of your mindset. The key here is “being aware” – if we tend to weigh negatives heavily, try to put equal weight on the positive aspects, too.

4. Roots of Resentment

If you have personal issues and don’t face them head on, you can’t blame anyone else for the way you’re living. Your resentments and your stubbornness are all rooted in the inability to accept the past or the unwillingness to learn the lesson in order to move on in life. Whichever it is, it’s no way to live a life of quality. The most prevalent person to hold you back is whom you see in the mirror. Every time. Give yourself some respect by realizing many hinderances are self-imposed – then work towards a complete peace of mind.

5. Your Anchors

If you allow negative influences to stay in your life, guess who’s fault it is? The relationships that you hold close give a strong look into what type of treatment you put up with. Expect more from yourself, and in this case, from your relationships. Those who no longer serve you are essentially anchors: holding you down and slowing/preventing your growth. Don’t be afraid to ask that person, “what makes you this way?”, “why are you not supportive of me?” – hopefully it’ll open their eyes to how they’ve been treating you. If it doesn’t, consider yourself anchored down until something changes (from your side).

6. Blindly Assume Better

Don’t blindly assume you’re incapable of doing something. Imagine I gave you a violin. Are you going to be an astonishing composer on the first try? No. You’re going to hurt my ears. That doesn’t mean your incapable of playing. Children learning to walk don’t quit trying after faceplanting for the first time. If they have the will to keep trying, you have it, too. Notably, if you don’t want to do the task, of course you’ll give it less effort. You’ve already made up your mind, therefore not giving your full potential. On the other hand, if you want to do the task, you’ll be willing to give it more than one shot. There’s an interesting quote by Tim Harris that goes, “99% of people are convinced they are incapable of achieving great things, so they aim for mediocre”. 

7. Fear Is Fuel

Recognize that your fear is a huge reason why you remain inactive on dreams, goals, and life in general. Think of it like this: Fear is fuel. Your insecurities and your inspiration both quench their thirst with the fuel that fear is made out of. So, which one are you going to fill up? We’ve all met someone that’s said, “If only I had done this…”, “I wish I would’ve started…”, “I wonder what could’ve happened if…”. Allowing fear to delegate your life is akin to giving your entire life-savings to a thief and hoping they don’t spend it. Fear is robbing you of time in life – and that thief definitely just cashed out your hard earned money.

8. Woulda Shoulda Coulda

Let it go. Whatever you find yourself going back to when times get hard, whatever you dwell on when you’ve had too much to drink, whoever hurt you in the past, whenever you made a mistake, however you’ve gotten to the low point you’re temporarily in now…  Let. It. Go. Seriously. Don’t mentally destroy yourself over what should have, could have, or would have happened if things were different. Instead, put your mental energy towards what you can change and come to terms with what you cannot.

9. Count Them.

Count your damn blessings. Ah…you think this one is lame? Think about not having a single one of those blessings anymore. Kinda sucks, doesn’t it? Take a moment and feel thankful for what you have. For example: I feel grateful everyday for my vision. I’ve been a visual learner and have an observant nature- my vision is a crucial strength to my overall personality. I’m so thankful for it, even though most people just assume it’s a natural component of life. It’s easy to gloss over appreciating something as simple (but as vital) as our senses, but think about each time you were sick and no longer could taste your food. It’s a silly example, but it’s worth noting that we definitely value what we have even if we don’t actively think about it.

10. Perfectly Wrong.

If you think you’re perfect, please refer back to the title of this post: BE REAL WITH YOURSELF. I’m sorry, whoever you are… I’m sure you’re quite lovely, but let’s take off those rose-colored glasses. Acknowledge that we all have shortcomings, faults, scars, mistakes, and regrets. Not to mention a lot of which haven’t happened to us yet! Beware of those who idolize perfection and expect it from you – it’s not an attainable goal. You will achieve perfection the same day that parallel lines cross each other. By the way, awareness of this final tip should come off as a huge relief! What a weight off of your shoulders to know that it’s not something worth obsessing over. 

 

Final thoughts:

That’s a hell of a list, huh? My meaning in all of this is to help you come to your senses about where you currently stand. I know that not all 10 of those apply to you at all times. Perhaps you’ve already gone through some steps. Feel free to drop a comment telling me which was your favorite (or least favorite)! I’m thankful to have your attention and I promise to always add value. Level up.